Month 4

I'm in month 4 of fun-employment and things are starting to get blurry. I mean they haven't started, they are. I watch TV or youtube till 4 or 5am and then sleep half the day. How I still manage to leave the apartment shocks me. This week I had a 2 hour in person interview, 2 phone interviews and 1 video. Haven't heard a peep from any of them so I float on. Taco Tuesday turned into '6 margaritas, booking a 1 way ticket to Montreal and going home with the 25 year old bartender - Tuesday' So my Wednesday included me staying in bed and ordering pizza and fries but not before I cancelled my one way flight to Canada. If I wasn't still spinning at 5pm then maybe I still would've gone. Since then I've been a bit of a hermit. I went for a run on Thursday and met up with a friend. Yesterday I had a dermo appointment where they turned one spot into a giant dime sized bruise with a laser, so I now look like a Hindu. Mean, but true. And today I worked out at home for an hour and applied for jobs. I ate oatmeal and a leftover baked potato. That'd be a pretty great autobiography name 'leftover baked potato'. Then, while wearing a very large, pulled down hat, I picked up Indian food and red wine. And now I'm in hour 89397203 of watching Netflix. I'm supposed to go to Passover dinner tomorrow on Cape Cod but unless the purple giant dot doesn't go away then I'm not going. Sorry in advance mom.

Still here

Me again. My friend who lives in Colorado convinced me to stick with a blog to make sure any and all negative thoughts I had came out and went somewhere. She's very smart. What's maybe not so smart? I've spent the majority of this week focusing on a traveling magician from Australia whose in town for the week. Like hard core, analyzing every emoji he's put on social media to get him to fall in love with me. I just want an hour with him and I'm sure we're meant to be together. I'm aware I've gone crazy. I'm 98% sure he's done with me and has already found a new chicky to hang out with. I saw a play tonight with James Earl Jones in it and he's in town for a month so I have lots of time to stalk him. I'm kidding. I mean, not really because it was too cold out wait by the stage door so technically I do plan on going back when I don't have a ticket to see him. Would I rather stalk a traveling naked magician or James Earl Jones? I mean, that's a Sophie's fucking choice. What else what else. My massive clothes/books purge is going well. I'm hanging out with a friend tomorrow whose on February break and rather than doing something cultural and fun and get out of town I'm going to suggest we just get drunk and say fuck it. I'm hoping she says yes and doesn't psychoanalyze my answer. Can't a girl just get drunk? I say that after having three glasses of prosecco. But that's not totally my fault- I was cat sitting earlier and the fucking cat thew up twice. There's something horribly mean and cruel when a cat throws up a second time in 10 minutes. I mean, I'm obviously hoping it's not sick but I'm also thinking it just hates me. So my friend said I can snag this bottle from her fridge and now it's hours after the Tennessee Williams play with James Earl Jones, the Australian hasn't messaged me back on facebook and I'm hoping I don't go to a museum tomorrow because I'd rather get day drunk because I can. Welcome to month 2.5 of unemployment folks.

Social Media

I think I spent 80% of today on social media and it made me feel 800% less social. I also blame the 7 degree weather for not motivating me at all. I stayed in bed till noon even though my eyes opened at 6. I've been in workout clothes all day and my biggest accomplishment was walking 2 blocks outside to get a vanilla latte and turkey sandwich. The sandwich ended up being very mediocre and I only ate half of it. I've applied for a few more jobs but mostly sat around wondering what I'm doing with my life and thinking about writing. I really could've written an amazing award winning short story in the amount of time I was online but I didn't. And now it's dark out and I can't remember the last time I wore makeup and put myself together. I think making a hair appointment and becoming more blonde will make me feel better.

Twinning with Jones

I have a love hate relationship with Bridget Jones. I hate that she constantly has an amazing playlist and though complains about being overweight, doesn't actually talk about eating or food. I've had almost a full bottle of prosecco. I've also been eating for 2 days- including cookies, pie, turkey, mac n cheese, potatoes. Lots of potatoes. They's big right now. I'm trying to purge my closets. It's kind of working. I now just have a pile of 'maybes' on the floor. I'm swiping on tinder pretty hard but that could also be because I had a one night stand a few nights ago. My neighbors may be mad at me blasting music at midnight on Christmas, or maybe not. I'm going to the bar, fuck it.

I'm Getting Way Too Good At This

So, I got laid off again yesterday. Third time is the charm as they say. Today marks funemployment day 1 part 3. I woke up hungover on the couch at about 5am and then moved to my bed. I had a phone interview at 930a and then cancelled my in person interview for this afternoon because well, I couldn't leave my bed. I ate toast, grits and eggs. I love making my own brunch food. Mostly cause that's the only thing I can make. (emoji thumbs up) My goal today is to get coffee before the sunsets and I have exactly 13 minutes to do that. So here I go.

Squad

I have:
- a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years and dating for the first time in 11 years, and living alone for the first time ever.
-a friend whose an intern and on her 7th date with the same guy
-a friend whose  getting a mastectomy and has a boyfriend can't hold a job because of his pot addiction
- a friend whose been with her boyfriend for a year but doesn't want to marry him or be single and she was recently laid off but even more recently went to Australia with her boyfriend
- 2 friends who can't stop casual dating
-a friend who married her high school sweet heart when she was 27 years old and often thinks she made a mistake
-a friend whose been living with her boyfriend for 3 years and waiting for him to propose for 1 year

Saturday 2:13a

Today I worked from home was fighting a cold had a migraine had fall allergies had more than 2 glasses of wine last night and felt like crap so called in sick to work. I started the day off right with finishing last season of New Girl, answering some e-mails and eating an English muffin with almond butter on it. Tried to lightly toast it but my toaster hates me, so it was lightly burnt instead. I then napped for a few hours. Ordered Chinese food and ate the Chinese food. Watched The Help, again. Threw out my Chinese food even though I didn't finish all of it in the hopes to avoid two meals of Chinese food. Went to the hair salon at 6pm and became a blonde. Went home. Went back to the hair salon because I forgot the conditioner my hair dresser Andy strongly recommend I buy when he realized I didn't own conditioner. I returned home and continued watching New Girl. I watched about a half hour of tagged emotional The Voice auditions on the toiler and cried. I removed scone mix from my cabinet with every intention of baking. But didn't. Removed the Chinese food from my trash and finished the scallion pancakes that were still in their tin foil bag. Considered texting friends asking if it was OK that I was eating post trash Chinese food but then decided not to. Sent friends pictures of my new blonde hair instead. Got one positive reply. Considered texting that guy I went out on a semi good date with a week ago. But then remembered that I don't know what his name is and his arms are too skinny. Packed a bag of dirty laundry to take to my brother's house tomorrow today.